14 Forgotten

Isn’t how when we’ve been involved in something absolutely spectacular that our world kinda crashes down on us afterwards? You’d think that that would be the time to celebrate and enjoy the fruit of our labor, but that’s not always the case.

Remember in Blog 12, I mentioned that I had faith when the adoption worked as for the info on our then, foster son and I stood like a giant? Well, as soon as she left, I shrunk down to a mouse-sized min-human. I was out of sorts, I wondered what was happening, I was weepy and I was scared.

I stood strong when I needed to, but crashed badly after. Long term stress can bring about anxiety and depression. (By the way, our son never left our home, and is now an adult living on his own, and shares our last name – yes, we DID get to adopt him.) But at the time, we didn’t know the end of the story, yet.

Elijah crashed too.

The Back Story (1 Kings 19)

After winning the showdown, with no prophets left to challenge him and queen Jezebel was edgy, to say the least. Her favorite religion (yes, the the one that required the first born male of a family to be sacrificed by fire) was crushed, but she was determined to re-build that empire on the bodies of more burned babies and the bones of Elijah!

Side note: baal morphed into baal-melqart, that was the one in Ahab and Jezebel’s time, and was also known as baal sur. He later was known by different cultures as hercules. baal is ancient, pervasive and has changed with cultures and is still around today, in some form.

Elijah ran, when he heard of the threats from Jezebel. He dropped his servant off at Beersheba and continued on to his destination location: a juniper tree in the wilderness, about a day’s walk further. Total depression hit him as he said, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers.” He fell asleep and was awakened by an angel who gave him food. He fell asleep and once again, was woken up by the angel so he could eat again. The food gave him enough energy to walk 40 days and nights. (Angel food is pretty potent stuff, it seems. Imagine packaging that up and selling it as the new power-granola bars, you’d make a fortune, LOL.) He went to Horeb, the mountain of God. (some scholars believe that it is the same Mountain as Mount Sinai.) He slept in a cave.

Thoughts

I’ve heard this story all my life, but as I think about it more deeply, I realize that “Elijah was a man just like us”, for real. He had gone through immeasurable amounts of stress and felt very, very human for a moment, as his super-cape wilted there for a bit.

Perhaps Elijah thought that God’s prophets would be safe and the nation’s leadership would turn back to Him in the moment after the showdown (see blog 13), but that wasn’t the case. He was in more danger than ever. He was discouraged, scared and didn’t know which way to turn. His humanity had caught up to him, and he was overwhelmed.

How about me? you? Is our humanity showing? Can you see it fraying on the edges? We’re just not built that tough, and we begin to unravel, like Elijah. He was a man, just like us (James 5:17). What is unraveling you? For me, it’s when the people I love dearest in the world are struggling and I can’t get to them. My arm is just not long enough, and falls short. THAT is heartache! If I stay in that place, I can fall into the pit of depression very quickly.

But God… (Is. 59:1)

God’s arm is not too short, even if mine is (Is. 59:1).

Notice how God didn’t condemn Elijah for his humanity. He didn’t yell at him or kick him when he was down. He let him sleep, under his protection and fed him. TWICE.

Have you kicked others when they fall over emotionally? We’ve all done stuff we aren’t proud of. Take a moment, and humble yourself before God, so He can wash it clean, so you don’t have to hold those feelings anymore. Don’t worry – remember he didn’t kick Elijah when he was down, and when you humble yourself, He won’t kick you either. However, be warned, He takes the person full of pride out at the knees. But if you have already bowed before Him, He lifts you up, instead.

Has someone kicked you when you were down? This is super painful. It’s like the class bully grinding the sandwich you dropped in the dirt and then making you eat it. It’s unfair to start with, unfair in the middle and super unfair by the end. I am so sad to say, this really is the story of some of our lives. Darling, if this is your story, I want you to know I am so sorry. My heart beats with yours, not from over top of you looking down, but rather, side by side, as our eyes meet with both our faces in the dirt. I grieve that that was your experience. God doesn’t see you that way.

The enemy that wants to destroy you, is the same one that wanted to kill Elijah. He wanted Elijah to believe that he had failed. That he wasn’t worth anything. That his life’s work was useless. That he was praying to a fickle God who didn’t REALLY care (because Elijah was on the run for his life again, even AFTER the big win).

The enemy of your soul wants you to believe that you’ve failed. That you aren’t worth anything. That you’re life’s work is useless, that you’ll never amount to anything and that there is nothing you can do to please God. That’s nothing but a pack’o’lies!

That’s not who you are. That’s not who He is.

Maybe you have forgotten.

Maybe you never knew.

You need to know, my darling, that your value and the preciousness of who you are is given to you by the One that Created you. Only HE can define who you are. The value you have is placed on you, not because of what you’ve done, but because of what God says about you. He has made you wonderfully and He is pleased with His work. If you think in alignment with the identity that God has given you, and act out of your place as royalty in God’s kingdom, you will see the miraculous in your life. THAT is your destiny, my darling.

I crashed moments after the social worker left my home, wondering if the miraculous could happen for my situation and our hope of adoption. But, I didn’t know who God called me to be moments later, I had forgotten. Don’t forget who you are. Don’t forget WHOSE you are. Jesus paid the price to remind you for all eternity of His love for you.

Elijah went to Mount Sinai. I suspect, for him, it was the “last known spot where God lived”. (It was where Moses got the 10 commandments and God was there in fire and shook the mountain Ex. 19:16-19). For all his lack of faith, he desperately wanted an encounter with the living God. He wanted to know if God was real, if He could be found and if God had something for Elijah, personally. If you find yourself in a place where you want to know if God is real, if he can be found and knows your situation personally, you can go to the “last known place” where God was, in your heart. If you feel like you can’t trust Him right now, and you are too weak for that journey, that’s okay. His shoulders are big enough to carry you there. Just rest.